What Real Influence Looks Like: A Conversation with Don Evans, CMO of The Cheesecake Factory

We recently gathered our alumni community for a conversation originally framed around influencing without authority. As the discussion unfolded, the theme evolved naturally into something broader: the role human connection plays in how influence actually works inside organizations.

Rather than focusing on formal power or persuasion tactics, Don Evans shared stories from across his career that pointed to a consistent truth — influence is built through relationships, trust, and self-awareness over time.

Self-Awareness as the Starting Point

One of Don’s most formative leadership moments came from a 360-degree review early in his executive career. Reading feedback that challenged how others experienced him could have prompted defensiveness. Instead, he chose curiosity.

“Perception is reality… let’s figure out how do I do better now.”

That experience reshaped how he approached leadership but he stressed he is always learning and it is an ongoing process. Understanding how others experience you — not just what you intend — becomes essential when influence depends on trust rather than authority. And those you interact with changes based on staffing changes, responsibility shifts and thus a 360 review is not a fixed document.

Advocacy Builds Credibility

Don described a defining early-career moment when a senior leader stayed silent while a team absorbed heavy criticism. The experience and that leader’s behavior stayed with him and informed how he would later lead his own teams. Over time, he learned that advocacy matters deeply to teams. When leaders visibly support their people, credibility grows across the organization — not only with direct reports, but with peers who learn what that leader stands for.

Relationships Solve What Structure Cannot

One story that resonated strongly involved the power of a shared meal with those you are trying to work with in a more meaningful way. By creating a more social and safe environment, it allows for a more open dialogue with colleagues and he encourages everyone to get to know those you work with in a deep and personal way. Shared context replaces assumptions, and communication improves without any structural reorganization. Getting to know people on a personal level is a terrific way to work more effectively with others - whether it is a colleague, an agency partner or a team member.

As Don reflected during the call: “The human connection for me is such a key thing.”

The examples he shared served as a reminder that many organizational challenges are relational before they are operational.

Listening as a Leadership Discipline

Throughout the conversation, Don returned repeatedly to listening — particularly the difference between listening to understand and listening while preparing a response.

“Sometimes you have to listen just to listen, not listen to respond.”

Leaders often feel pressure to provide direction quickly. Yet influence frequently grows in quieter moments, when people feel genuinely heard and understood. And he emphasized the power of asking questions about those you are working with - be inquisitive, get to know your colleagues and understand their motivations. Much of this can happen by asking questions vs. simply prepping to say what you want to say.

Presence Matters More Than Leaders Realize

Another theme that surfaced was the importance of presence — showing up consistently and intentionally. Don noted that teams notice far more than leaders assume, including energy, availability, and engagement. Leadership influence often accumulates through everyday interactions rather than major milestones.

What made this conversation meaningful was its honesty. Don spoke openly about mistakes, career pivots, and lessons learned across very different environments. The through line was simply this: relationships matter.

Influence without authority ultimately comes down to how leaders show up with people: how they listen, advocate, acknowledge mistakes, and invest time in understanding others.

For our Virtuosi League community, the discussion reinforced something we see repeatedly across cohorts and conversations — leadership growth is deeply connected to human connection. The leaders who create lasting impact tend to be those who understand that relationships are not separate from the work; they are the work.